Where to begin when talking about the decision to start
trying to conceive? It’s a weird concept
to someone who has spent the past 15+ plus years trying NOT to get pregnant. Let me note that I am counting the amount of
time since becoming sexually active rather than the amount of time during which
I had a partner…because, let’s face it, that would probably be like 3 ½ years total
(and if you consider that I’ve been with my husband for 3 years…yeah, you get
the drift).
Anyway…all the time and money that is spent trying not to
get pregnant makes you think that getting pregnant must be so easy but I’ve
quickly learned that couldn’t be further from the truth. I am at the beginning of the TTC (trying to
conceive) journey, so I really don’t have a clue as to how long this really could
take, but I am already overwhelmed by the process.
So let’s get up to speed on where I am…
Several months ago my husband and I decided that we would
try to start our family this year. We
started simply by putting money in savings to build up a nest egg for when I
would (hopefully) be out on leave. After
some discussion, we decide that we would start that actual act of TTC this
spring. So last month I had an
appointment with my GYN to kick off things by having my IUD removed. During that visit, she recommended that I
consult with high risk pregnancy specialist because of previously having a
blood clot (thus the reason for the IUD).
So I schedule the appointment and excitedly head off to
Barnes & Nobles to pick up a book to help me figure out the path to
motherhood. Now, already being
overweight and of “advanced maternal age” (I’m 37…way to make me feel old,
Mother Nature), I was already aware and apprehensive of the risks of trying to
get pregnant now. But leave it to both
the book and the doctor to make me feel like crap.
I start reading the book and almost immediately my anxiety
skyrockets because I feel incredibly unprepared already. OH MY GOD I SHOULD HAVE STARTED READING THIS
MONTHS AGO!!! I reminded myself that
women get pregnant all the time without reading that stupid book and put it
away.
But then I head off to the doctor’s appointment and that’s
where all the doubts and fears really creep in.
Now mind you, I scheduled this appointment to discuss the blood clot
issue and the doctor is impressively prepared to discuss that and I am
reassured that it really won’t be a problem.
So then he turns to what he sees as the bigger problem…my weight. He starts talking about all the risks
(gestational diabetes, bigger baby, smaller baby, unplanned c-section, stillbirth…if
there is a possible risk involved for overweight women getting pregnant, he
threw it out there…these are just the ones I remember), discusses bariatric
surgery…blah blah blah. I literally have
to put blah blah blah there because I think my mind was so overwhelmed and so
scared that I don’t remember much of the conversation after that point. This doctor, who so confidently assured me
that the blood clot risk could be managed safely, did NOTHING to allay the
fears (that he intensified) about the risks of an overweight pregnancy. I left that appointment feeling as though if
I got pregnant at my current weight I was almost assuredly going to have a
terrible pregnancy, with an unhealthy baby (if the baby lived at all). OH MY GOD SHOULD I REALLY BE TRYING TO GET
PREGNANT NOW?!?!?!
I’ve been trying to lose weight my entire life, with
moderate amounts of success, and suddenly I feel like something that I was very
excited about and seemed so close was now beyond my grasp. So of course there were tears as soon as I
made it back to my car. Fortunately, I
have a great support system who let me know that overweight women can and DO
have normal pregnancies and healthy babies and that everything will be okay.
So because I am determined and I want to maximize my odds of
getting pregnant sooner rather than later (I am 37, remember?), I go back to
that stupid book and start reading about all trying to conceive and I’m thrust
into this new world of basal thermometers, ovulation predictor kits, cervical
mucus and calendars… Let me tell you that
it’s a strange world where you have to take your temperature while you’re still
in bed, pee in a cup to dip a stick in, examine discharge and write down
E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. It’s exhausting and
I’m only a few days in! Besides the
obvious desire to get pregnant quickly, I really do hope it happens soon just
so I don’t have to inhabit this crazy place for too long. Though, for all I know, pregnancy could be worse. I’ll just have to stay tuned to find out.
