Morning sickness is a lie

What I mean by the title of this post is that the idea that it is confined to the morning is a lie.  At least for me it is.  Since finding out I was pregnant at the beginning of the month, the only symptom I had indicating that I was pregnant (other than the positive pregnancy test) was the breast soreness and growth...until last Tuesday when "morning" sickness hit me like a ton of bricks.

It has been awful and I have been miserable every day since then.  The morning is actually when it's the most tolerable but it just gets worse as the day goes on...and lasts ALL DAY.  The only time I have a reprieve from the upset stomach is when I'm sleeping...which I now also wish I could do all day.

I called my OB's office for some suggestions on how to combat the morning sickness.  They suggested the following:

• Eating crackers before getting out of bed: tried it, didn't work and blech are they dry and bland (I get that's likely the point but still...blech)
• Carb loading in the morning: as a former long distance runner, I can carb load like a champion but this hasn't helped either
• B6: no help
• Ginger: been drinking ginger ale and got some ginger snaps...nada
• Benadryl/Unisom before bed: haven't tried because I don't know how much to take

End result?  Still miserable.  Fortunately, I have my first prenatal appointment tomorrow and I plan to ask about meds that might make me feel better.  I really wanted to avoid taking any meds at all during my pregnancy, but I'm having a hard time functioning like this.  And I'm tired of being miserable and tired all day and hating food.  It really is sad that I don't enjoy the taste of food right now because I'm constantly sick.  Here's hoping for some relief soon.

Well that was quick

So it appears that my request to get pregnant quickly was approved by the pregnancy gods.  After literally only one cycle in which my husband and I were TTC, I have a positive pregnancy test.

 It truly was unexpected.  I really believed it would take a few months before I would get a positive test.  Hell, just last week I took a test that was negative.  It was the day my period was supposed to come, but because it hadn’t been coming on time for the past few months, I expected it to be negative.  Several days went by without an appearance from Aunt Flo and then my boobs REALLY started to hurt like they never had before.  So I took another test about a week after the first one (totally not expecting it it to be positive) and BAM.  Pregnant.

Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined that it would happen this quickly.  Especially given my reproductive system history…

At the age of 12 (before I even started menstruating), I got my first ovarian cyst.  From then through around age 14, I had four or five laporoscopies for cysts and endometriosis.  Apparently a nurse with one of my gynecologists told my mother that I would probably have a hard time getting pregnant because of how young my problems started.  That stuck with me for all of these past 20+ years.  I really did believe that I would end up having to consult with a fertility specialist.  I am happy to say that nurse was wrong.

I could not wait to tell my husband.  I was off work that day and we were meeting for a late afternoon viewing of Captain America: The Winter Soldier (a very good movie, by the way).  We met in the parking lot of the movie theater and I surprised him with the news.  His response?  “I told you this was going to happen!” (meaning that we would get pregnant quickly)  Though we had decided together that we were going to start trying now, he was still a bit freaked out by the news.  He then asked my why I couldn’t wait to tell him until AFTER the movie so he wouldn’t be distracted.  I later told him that I considered that and figured he would be unhappy that I waited to tell him (to which he responded, “good point”).  He continued to be freaked out for the rest of the night, but his anxiety soon dissipated and now he is just very happy and very excited, and I am right there with him.

Though I am excited, I’m trying to temper it, knowing that it is still early and that there is still a risk of miscarriage.  But for now, we wait for my first prenatal appointment.  I had no idea they made you wait until your 8^th week for an appointment.  I always assumed you went in right away to have the pregnancy confirmed by a blood test or something.  Guess it’s time for me to get that “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” book, huh?

The beginning

Where to begin when talking about the decision to start trying to conceive?  It’s a weird concept to someone who has spent the past 15+ plus years trying NOT to get pregnant.  Let me note that I am counting the amount of time since becoming sexually active rather than the amount of time during which I had a partner…because, let’s face it, that would probably be like 3 ½ years total (and if you consider that I’ve been with my husband for 3 years…yeah, you get the drift).

Anyway…all the time and money that is spent trying not to get pregnant makes you think that getting pregnant must be so easy but I’ve quickly learned that couldn’t be further from the truth.  I am at the beginning of the TTC (trying to conceive) journey, so I really don’t have a clue as to how long this really could take, but I am already overwhelmed by the process.

So let’s get up to speed on where I am…

Several months ago my husband and I decided that we would try to start our family this year.  We started simply by putting money in savings to build up a nest egg for when I would (hopefully) be out on leave.  After some discussion, we decide that we would start that actual act of TTC this spring.  So last month I had an appointment with my GYN to kick off things by having my IUD removed.  During that visit, she recommended that I consult with high risk pregnancy specialist because of previously having a blood clot (thus the reason for the IUD).

So I schedule the appointment and excitedly head off to Barnes & Nobles to pick up a book to help me figure out the path to motherhood.  Now, already being overweight and of “advanced maternal age” (I’m 37…way to make me feel old, Mother Nature), I was already aware and apprehensive of the risks of trying to get pregnant now.  But leave it to both the book and the doctor to make me feel like crap. 

I start reading the book and almost immediately my anxiety skyrockets because I feel incredibly unprepared already.  OH MY GOD I SHOULD HAVE STARTED READING THIS MONTHS AGO!!!  I reminded myself that women get pregnant all the time without reading that stupid book and put it away.

But then I head off to the doctor’s appointment and that’s where all the doubts and fears really creep in.  Now mind you, I scheduled this appointment to discuss the blood clot issue and the doctor is impressively prepared to discuss that and I am reassured that it really won’t be a problem.  So then he turns to what he sees as the bigger problem…my weight.  He starts talking about all the risks (gestational diabetes, bigger baby, smaller baby, unplanned c-section, stillbirth…if there is a possible risk involved for overweight women getting pregnant, he threw it out there…these are just the ones I remember), discusses bariatric surgery…blah blah blah.  I literally have to put blah blah blah there because I think my mind was so overwhelmed and so scared that I don’t remember much of the conversation after that point.  This doctor, who so confidently assured me that the blood clot risk could be managed safely, did NOTHING to allay the fears (that he intensified) about the risks of an overweight pregnancy.  I left that appointment feeling as though if I got pregnant at my current weight I was almost assuredly going to have a terrible pregnancy, with an unhealthy baby (if the baby lived at all).  OH MY GOD SHOULD I REALLY BE TRYING TO GET PREGNANT NOW?!?!?!

I’ve been trying to lose weight my entire life, with moderate amounts of success, and suddenly I feel like something that I was very excited about and seemed so close was now beyond my grasp.  So of course there were tears as soon as I made it back to my car.  Fortunately, I have a great support system who let me know that overweight women can and DO have normal pregnancies and healthy babies and that everything will be okay.

So because I am determined and I want to maximize my odds of getting pregnant sooner rather than later (I am 37, remember?), I go back to that stupid book and start reading about all trying to conceive and I’m thrust into this new world of basal thermometers, ovulation predictor kits, cervical mucus and calendars…  Let me tell you that it’s a strange world where you have to take your temperature while you’re still in bed, pee in a cup to dip a stick in, examine discharge and write down E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.  It’s exhausting and I’m only a few days in!  Besides the obvious desire to get pregnant quickly, I really do hope it happens soon just so I don’t have to inhabit this crazy place for too long.  Though, for all I know, pregnancy could be worse.  I’ll just have to stay tuned to find out.